We Shook Hands On It!.....hahaha....

Well after a much emotional and teeter tottering type of week we've come to our conclusion. I feel as though I am reading off a jury's decision or something here....We first had decided we were going to just do a donor insemination, then after much research and thoughts we decided that is not an option we want to pursue...

We are going to do IVF with a biopsy. We are planning on doing it in June to give us time to prepare and whatnot. It may be later than that depending on how things go. We want to be as best prepared as possible. Sperm takes 3 months to grow and mature and this gives us time to change eating habits, get healthier and take supplements and take advantage of other types of treatments. I say we because all though I am fine it wouldn't hurt at all to become healthier myself and give myself the best possible welcoming "home" and good eggs for the procedure.

We are going to look into Accupuncture and Traditional Chinese Medicine as it as been linked to helping with infertility. Not to mention the already 800 supplements that we are already taking!

We are going to look into another doctor's appt to make sure we have all the questions answered and all the possible treatment options available as well as making sure the procedure of the biopsy is the best possible option for looking for sperm.

Jason is going to do another semen analysis once to twice more within these next few months to see if anything has changed. Shit, I'd be thrilled with even a few thousand. We are ok with the IVF it's just the possibility of sperm or no sperm that has us the most worried.

Waiting until we are sure we are ready and have the best possible chance for finding sperm (and of decent quality) will give us the peace for taking the most expensive leap of faith ever!!!!!

If this fails it's going to be heartbreaking and we will take a break for a few years, maybe be put on a waiting list for adoption (since it takes 4-5 years and can be 30k+) . Of course my dream would be to carry a baby and knowing that may never happen makes me sick...something I hate to think about but have to...Who knows maybe do donor embryos....or there may be medical advances or a miracle that happen during that wait...

I'm hoping during this wait/journey I can learn to be happy for others again, learn to not let it hurt me when people discover or talk about thier pregnancies  and learn just alot in general overall with my life.

If anyone has any questions, advice, etc please feel free to share or talk with us. Obviously we aren't ashamed to talk about this journey so we welcome everyone, if we don't feel like talking about it at that certain time believe me we will tell you :) We aren't asking anyone to agree with our decision just for support. We ask for prayers and good thoughts to  guide us through our decision, our journey and most of all that we find sperm!!! :) As always thank you all ~~~~<3

*Don't be discouraged. It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock. - Unknown*

Some Information For You!

Just thought if anyone didn't really understand IVF here's a website that I found that explains it the best way I could find... (we would be doing the IVF with ICSI)
(Due to security reasons and whatever and whatnot I had to delete the links to the information. Sorry.) 
Also if anyone is interested in reading anything about infertility or helping others with the disease this is a great website I visit often!

http://resolve.org/

*A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. – Lao Tze*

Decisions, Options, and Thoughts ...OH MY!!!

So the appt at the Fertility Clinic went fairly well. I'll try to keep this post mostly informative without emotions, feelings and thoughts since we still have yet to discuss what we may do.

First of all they were running an hour and a half behind, ugh. So we were already at edge with all the waiting and then with each other because we both were annoyed and anxious. Finally the Dr came in and discussed our options and his thoughts and opinions. Here's what he said in a nutshell...

1. The chances of conceiving naturally are null. There are always "non-medical miracles of course"
2. He sees no point in re-testing a semen analysis or blood work. He will let us do another semen analysis just for peace of mind however.
3. We can do in vitro fertilization (IVF)
4. With IVF Jason needs a biopsy done to "look/get sperm". Based on his blood work if his levels were higher the Dr would give us "no hope" but with the results Jason has he gives us "some hope".
5. We have the option to have Jason get the biopsy done whenever, if they find sperm they will freeze it. The Dr suggests Jason have the biopsy done on the day I would have my eggs retrived because the chances of successful IVF is better with fresh sperm rather than frozen.
6. In Jason's condition the sperm (if found) would be not as mature as that found in the "out track" or in the ejaculate and would still be a significantly smaller amount then "normal" . Therefore if that sperm is frozen the chances of it surviving the thaw are slim.
7. If we decide to do the biopsy/IVF together than we can cancel the cycle if no sperm is found OR have donor as a back up.

Hence, ALOT of decisions, ALOT of information, ALOT of things to take in, stew on and discuss....
I think that was all but my mind is a crazy mess now and if I think of anything else I will add to it!
Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and praying for us. Now I'm just praying for guidance and to make the right decision.  ~~~<3


*The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. -David Russell*

Time to put this Hope and Faith into action...

Well tomorrow is the big day that I've been waiting for for almost 2 months. I'm very nervous and anxious. I'm hoping we get answers, plans and other things but I just hope it isn't a huge disappointment like the last few visits to different doctors.


Off the subject the holidays were nice and we had a good time with all the families. We had a nice (but short, due to my working) dinner for my dad's birthday on Sunday and are looking foward to a nice dinner for Jason's dad's birthday tomorrow evening.


Please keep us in your prayers, thoughts or whatever your choosing for a higher up power for tomorrow and hope that we get some good answers and possibly good news!
Thanks All~~~<3


* Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. -Nido Qubein*